“Beautify your inner dialogue. Beautify your inner world with love light and compassion. Life will be beautiful.” - Amit Ray (Author)
Your friend is in distress. They’ve just gotten back their mark for that essay that they spent sleepless nights on. And the mark wasn’t great. Of course, you instinctively step in to comfort them. You can see that they’re being unfair on themselves,and it’s time to remind them of their strengths. ‘Stop beating yourself up’,you say. 'It just didn’t work out this time, and that’s okay'.
For most of us,it’s simply second nature to support the people we care about when they need it. If someone needs a positive word or two, why not give it to them? It just feels right, like saying 'Thanks' to the bus driver or 'Have a nice day' to the delivery man. These words are easy and spread positive energy. Why, then, is it so difficult to spare some of this same energy for ourselves?
Everyone’s a critic but especially towards themselves. At some point, we’ve all found ourselves agonising over past failures or flaws. Yes, the occasional self-deprecating joke can ease the tension, but berating yourself for every shortcoming is unhealthy. This is a steep and slippery slope. Before you know it, you could find yourself in a pit of self-criticism that you’ll have a tough time climbing out of. The key to fighting this is building a healthy inner voice.
Taming your own mind is no easy feat. So much of what it does is subconscious and so many of our thoughts seem to spawn out of nowhere. What we can control, though, is our speech. This could be a good place to start. Speaking out loud gives your inner voice a shape that you can mould. This can change your negativity from a vague,bad feeling, into clear, positive statements. By identifying exactly what these negative thoughts are, they can be confronted one by one.
Be vigilant and listen out for yourself. Catch every unfair, critical thought and convert it into something positive, something you can use. Above all, ask yourself: 'Is this something I would say to my friend if they were in this situation?'. If not, then why are you saying it to yourself? Being there for others is brilliant, but being there for yourself is just as important. The friend that you are to others is the friend that you deserve to be to yourself.
Wentworth Miller (actor) shares his experiences with self-communication here:
